You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
