i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
