she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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