He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
