i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
