Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
