he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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