you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
