I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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