You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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