All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
