ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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