I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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