all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
