that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
