He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
