please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
