Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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