i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So squirting runs in the family.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
