evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.