This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.