you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
