I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot