How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.