we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.