so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
