Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
