Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
