i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
