so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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