Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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