I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she smelled like a LAN party
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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