a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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