I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
