I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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