I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
