I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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