it wasn't lemon gatorade
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
