I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
