She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
