He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
