I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
