Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize