i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
