I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
