I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
