Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
