i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
