Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
