I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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