we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
