the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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