I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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