This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
