help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
