Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone signed my nipple.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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