I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
