you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
