Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
