i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
