i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
