My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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