i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
