3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
