Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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