woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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