It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
