I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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