This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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