You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
