Kiss
Puke
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
