As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
