I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
