He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
