He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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