When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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