with your own penis?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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