And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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