all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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