She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize