as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We were destined to go to rehab together
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
