PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
