I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
