Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Acid is not a monday night drug
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
