I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
