Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
