Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
