I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
