Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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